I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
