hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
