I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
