You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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