So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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