u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The air was thick with penises
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
