i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
