Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You are the jesus of drinking
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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