Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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