Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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