waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
