Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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