I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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