i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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