Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
