I love black thongs
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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