Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
