my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
