i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
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