He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
