wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
