WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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