well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
