just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
