Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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