dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
