wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
