i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
