My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
