I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
