it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
