dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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