OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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