dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
