Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
