seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
