so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
