No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
