that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
