i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
