whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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