It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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