i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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