I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the condom got lost in my hair
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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