The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
