wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
