Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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