i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
