Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
