This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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