i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
