You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
