i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
