found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
