We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
