I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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