He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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